Reso-Poo-Tions

In light of 2013. 

I know right your exhausted of reading everyone’s posts about how 2013 was and how great and amazing 2014 will be. “This is going to be my year!”, everyone claims with enthusiasm and gusto. Ugh. 

Truth be told, 2014 will probably be similar to last year. You will have a few very well intentioned resolutions that you will be very keen on for about 3 weeks. Then life fades back into reality and veracity sets in- life just goes on. Regardless of your nobel intentions to make this year the best year, things tend to just happen and you deal with them the best way you can. 

I do not make resolutions. I call them Reso-Poo-Tions. They only make me feel like poo when I realize mid February that I have already failed. Instead I give myself a pat on the back for the things I have accomplished the previous year (moving to Vegas, going back to school, starting a business, learning to whole heartedly love myself, and nearly perfecting some very awesome dinosaur impressions), a stern look for the not so good things (moving to Vegas, dropping out of school, spending too much time in la la land, and who the heck works on dinosaur impressions?!), and a welcome to the next lessons I need to learn. That doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t make resolutions or that they are a dumb idea. What better time to start afresh than a brand new year? However, don’t get caught in the whole “I need to do 10 things different this year” fiasco. Why set yourself up for failure? Maybe give yourself 1 goal to work on for the forthcoming year. For instance, if I had a new year resolution this might be it; To be happy more. I would like to be more content with the things I have, and ok with the things I don’t have. 

A new year does not mean a new life. Our past makes us who we are. Your trials and mistakes have made you strong, wise, and hopeful of better times. Those lessons are priceless. Don’t scorn yourself because of your flaws or weaknesses, relish in the fact that you can recognize what they are! That is huge! If you can see a flaw then you can work on it. That is something noteworthy and memorable in itself. 

Save the poo feelings for when you are dropping the kids off at the pool. 

Why do we fall Bruce?

The greatest lessons are the hardest. Heart wringing, gut wrenching pain has a way of defining our character. Therefor giving us the opportunity to grow. 

There have been a many of times throughout my life that I have felt so cold and hard that I wasn’t sure if I could ever smile again. Just looking at others laughing hurt my soul to the core. How can they laugh? Don’t they know that the world is falling apart? 

It’s hard. When I feel down like this I have no desire to sleep, yet no desire to get out of bed. Hours pass as you lie there. Yet it feels like mere moments. Nevertheless, eventually you find yourself getting out of bed. Then slowly you start to crave food again. And after a while you find yourself laughing at the stupidest things, and you realize you are going to be ok. 

Do not despair. You are not alone. Everyone has felt this pain. Things will be ok. All is well, and you are safe. There is a beautiful plan ahead for you, and this was a stepping stone to get there. You are strong, you are wonderful and you will be ok. 

Why do we fall Bruce? So we can learn to pick ourselves up.

The Ugly Truth

I'm often harsh and unyielding. Ouch. Hurts to say. I guess I knew this about myself all along but I never really thought about it until I found out that one of my close friends described me this way. Ouch. I know she loves me and was not saying it to be malicious or cruel. Just plain simple truth.

I highly doubt that I was born with these two qualities. I doubt I displayed them as a young child. My conclusion is that the world hardens our hearts through it's trials and tough lessons....If you let it. I think I have let myself get away with a lot of "bad" behavior and blamed it on account of having a semi rough life. In the last week I have had my eyes opened. I stumbled across a video of a man in a third world country that had devoted his time and money to feeding the homeless in his community. Not just give them food, but hand feed them, bath them, shave them, hold them. My heart burst watching this man have such great love for those that receive none. Man my life is sooo good in comparison. That doesn't mean I can't feel sad or disappointed that I have had some tough trials. I am still allowed to feel the pain that I have been through. But it is also nice to know that I am grateful for the trials I have had in my life. I would take them over hunger any day. I am grateful for my tough love lessons that made me strong, wise-ish, and hopeful for something better. What a beautiful gift I have been given. My creator knew that I would not appreciate the beauty of life if I didn't understand the ugly of it. Words cannot describe the elation I feel to know that I am so loved. 

Even after this, I can still be harsh and unyielding. I guess the first step is admittance. I'm aware, and I will be more diligent in my manner toward my fellow man.  Thank you dear friend for the tough lesson that was much needed. 

Creme Brulee

As I was reading my past blogs I noticed my recurring theme:  How to be genuinely nice to others. I guess I never really realized last year (when I wrote all my past blogs) what I was continually writing about. Perhaps it is because that is one of the things I struggle with most in life. I do the whole "fake it till you make it" thing a lot. Or try to more like.

I had a very heart warming experience tonight. Tomorrow is my birthday and since I work at a restaurant I get the pleasure of a free birthday dessert. WIN. Even though I serve them all the time I rarely consume them so trying to pick was very difficult. Creme Brûlée had kind of been in the back of my mind... we make our own in house and I have only had it one other time. (Having worked at this establishment for 7 years, that is kind of sad.) The problem- I worked a double today, meaning I was there all day. So the last thing I wanted was to stay there longer to eat my dessert, and have to share with everyone. (I know, very selfish but hey it's my birthday!) So if you have ever had Creme Brûlée, you know that it has a sugar top that is fired. The only way we are able to make it To-Go is to make it in the ceramic cup, then scoop it into a to-go container. :( Not super pretty, and it ruins the fired sugar top which is the best part. I love taking my spoon, and cracking the fired sugar, some sort of strange pleasure. I almost got cheesecake because I wanted a pretty dessert to take home, sit in bed, watch a movie, and feel special. After much contemplation, and discussion with co-workers, I did decide on the Creme Brûlée. I had even talked myself into being OK with having a lumpy mess in a to-go soup container. NOT PRETTY, and no cracking of the sugar. But it was going to be ok because it would taste divine! Well the gal who makes the desserts in the kitchen, overheard my contemplations. She went out of her way to ensure that my Creme Brûlée to-go was pretty. When I went to grab it, I couldn't believe how beautiful it was! She had kept the entire sugar crust intact while placing it in the tiny to-go cup (a very hard and annoying feet, one that I would never ask a fellow co-worker on a busy night). I thanked her heartily. 
As I sit here in bed, I am cherishing every bite. More so because she had made me feel special, and loved. What a sweet and heart warming thing to do. Best gift ever, because of the thought and intention. 

My newest resolution is to try to remember my Creme Brûlée, when someone asks me to do something that puts me out or asks of me more than I would like. It may just make their day.