Speak before you think?

You are busy. You are stressed out. You are tired. You are hungry. Someone says something you weren’t expecting and are too frustrated to think about. BAM. You overreact. 

It’s easy to react, but nearly impossible to take it back. 

Reactions are key in how you are perceived by others. Your words, body language, and even your breathing are all accounted for whilst being interrupted. Your reactions happen so naturally and fast, that often you do or say something you truly do not mean. Yet the deed is done, and boy after someone overreacts it is hard to forget. 

This world now moves so fast that we have instant everything. We expect things to be instant. For example, when our internet doesn’t download a page in a second we are frustrated by the slowness. In the same token when speaking to someone we expect an immediate answer. 

Slow down, take a moment. Think before you speak, and act, and allow others the same courtesy. BAM. Your much happier, with yourself and others. 

The good, the bad,...the truth

We all have bad days. 

It’s easy to forget that. 

It’s easy to think only you have hard things going on, and that other peoples problems are not as important. 

A few days ago I had an experience that opened my eyes. Someone once treated me with little respect and was fairly mean to me. It was the first and only time I had met this person. (Not a great first impression). So when I saw this person again, I immediately had a negative feeling toward her. Yet I was in such a great mood and having such a good day, I thought “Well just kill em’ with kindness”. So I did. There was no need, this person seemed completely different and was so nice I thought maybe she had a twin. So I thought about it and slowly that night I realized that everyone has bad days. 

Sometimes we take our hardships out on other people. Sometimes intentionally, but more often not. And usually when we do, we regret it later. That doesn’t justify the behavior. Perhaps it can but help you next time someone is rude, short, or even plain mean to you. Just remember they most likely will regret it later, and don’t mean it now. Try not to let it get to you.

Everyone has bad days, even you. 

It's all small stuff

There are things in life we can’t change. We can’t change the weather, we cannot change the seasons. These things come and go regardless of how we feel. I was thinking about that today, as it was quite a bit chillier than it has been. I myself, welcome the cooler weather, the break from the heat. Some of my friends do not share my opinion... and today’s coolness was nothing more than a tightness in their chests, and foreboding of the cold to come.  

So I was thinking about this. About the absolute lack of control we have over the atmosphere, and the elements that mother nature brings. There is but one thing we can control. Our attitude. We can only direct our thoughts and feelings. 

Similarly, this reminds me of another situation that comes up in my life.

The way others treat me. I have no power or say when it comes to this. Sure I can try my best to prevent any unwanted attention, but I cannot stop it. I can merely change my attitude towards their behavior, try to not let the little things bother me, and sometimes even the big things. This is something that has been plaguing my life lately and I realized today that there is no need for it. 

Then on the flipside, I wonder who is bothered by my manners? Perhaps I should be more aware of what I say and do, and also how the things I say and do might affect those around me. 

Don’t forget that even on your stormiest days filled with thunder and lightning, someone is waiting for your sunshine. 

Decisions, Decisions

There is good advice everywhere. Everywhere you look there is someone or something giving you “good” advice. In fact there is so much of it, I often feel it cloud my own personal wisdom. 

For instance, you have the carefree advice of “Don’t worry about it, things will work out.” Or “Everything happens for a reason, and the right things always come.”

And then you have the, “Be smart and make good decisions, and plan ahead.” 

Well both of those sound great. So how does one choose?

No one wants to be a chicken and live in fear of the ‘what ifs’. Yet most people also don’t want to be known as rash. So what comes first the chicken or the egg?

Whenever I am confused and can’t decide, this quote comes to my mind, “The brave do not live forever, yet the cautious do not live at all.” Perhaps the wisdom in this quote is that you can never be certain on anything. Taking risks is just a part of life. But remember being smart, and being cautious are two different things. 

The best advice I have every heard is simple. Go with your gut and do what YOU think is best. After all you are the one that has to live with your choice. Don’t be afraid to take a risk or two....what’s the worst that could happen? 

Be true to you, and throw your chickens and eggs out the window (preferably not onto someones head).

Don't Worry, Be Happy

Alright so everyone has heard the ridiculously overplayed “Somebody I used to know” song. It came on again tonight on my way home. A line stuck out at me and I started thinking about it. Gotye sings, “you can get addicted to a certain kind of sadness”. 

It’s true. It’s easy to fall into your own self pity, or even a somber mood. How easy it is to forget the beauty of life. The beauty of waking up each morning. The beauty of living in freedom, in a time of endless opportunity. 

I often forget how lucky I am to not only have a home, but to have a job. Never mind hot meals, and running water. Never mind an education. Did you know that 1.4 billion people live without clean drinking water? I can think of a hundred times I have bought a bottle of water and then wasted half of it. I take so much for granted. 

I wish I could say that I am doing my part in trying to help the world. 

Alas I am merely one more young adult trying to figure life out. I don’t have lots of money to donate to those in need. I don’t have extreme skills or talents to help. But there is something I can do. I can be happy and grateful. For every day and every breath. I can extend my happiness and try to uplift those around me. I can try my best not to let the small things get me down. And as a wise person once said, “Don’t sweat the small stuff (And it’s all small stuff)”. 

Master and Commander

You know that feeling when you are going down stairs and you miss the last step? That instant falling feeling that makes your heart race, your blood pound, and your adrenaline sore. Fear. Your body and mind are enveloped in fear. Even if but for a few moments. Then slowly your body adjusts, and you forget the occurrence.

You forget the fear you felt. 

I sometimes feel as though my life is ruled by fear. I’m afraid of what people will think of me, afraid of the uncertain future, afraid of missing out, afraid of being rash, afraid of being complacent.

If fear is so easily forgotten, why am I constantly haunted by it? 

Why should it be a part of my life?

I’m tired of it.

I keep thinking about the quote from Invictus, “I am the master of my fate, I am the captain of my soul”. 

Fear is a part of life. It drives us. It pushes us. ...If we let it. I fear many things but today I made a choice. I will not let fear rule my life, I will instead rule fear. Fear is going to become my tool, my inspiration. Whenever I feel my heart start to race or my hands start to sweat that’s when I know that what is happening is real. I am going to use this. By recognizing my fear I can try to manipulate it, work off it, and use it as a guide.

My new motto: If your terrified, your on the brink of something big. Go with it. 

Speaking words of wisdom

A few months back I decided I wanted to learn how to play an instrument. I’m extremely jealous of all my musically talented friends. So my grandma, being the awesome woman that she is, gave me her keyboard. As it turns out learning how to play when you don’t know how to play is really hard. Then today I found a nice surprise in my mailbox. My gram sent me a beginner lesson book! Finally, hopefully, I can start on my musical journey.

Anyways, she also sent me a very sweet note full of encouragement and love. One thing stood out to me. She said something along the lines of, “This life is hard and you chose a hard time to come down here”...followed by advice to stay strong and keep my chin up. It reminded me of something my writing teacher said last week, “The world is getting more complicated, it takes longer to learn how to live in it”. 

I couldn’t agree more. 

Confusion is a feeling that frequently torments me. This world offers so many options and choices, it’s hard for me to make decisions. I often find myself saying things like “what the heck am I doing” or “what the heck should I do”. These thoughts plague me because I feel like I should know, ya know? 

So today while I was pondering all this, I came to a conclusion. Whenever I’m trying to decide something, I think, "now how is this going to work in the future", or "do I want to do this forever". Maybe my thinking is all wrong. Maybe instead I should think more like, ok this is what I want to do now- if it doesn’t work out that’s ok. And maybe something else will come along that I want to do more. That doesn’t mean that I chose wrong, perhaps I just needed that experience to have this one. Maybe the key to living in this complicated world is to stop trying to figure it out. Instead, just live it the best you can, without fear of the future, without regrets of the past. All I can do is let go, and as the Beatles say, Let it be. 

BANGERANG

Rain. 

Small drops of rejuvenation 

That satisfy thirsty roots

Enhancing all the glorious colors

(Don’t forget your rain boots)

The chorus gives life to thirsty souls

That all this world pollutes. 

Many people find their solace in the wondrous rays of the sun. Many more find theirs in the deep powders of the mountaintops. 

Me, I find mine in the rain. I love the smell. I love how everything looks vibrant. I love the feel of the overcast sky, it reminds me of a blanket keeping me safe. I love wearing boots and stomping through puddles, reminding me of childish days. I see many others doing the same. It’s almost as if the rain invites silliness and the chance to forget reality and being “grown up”. I love the rain. 

So many things in life stress us out, and make us serious. It reminds me of the movie Hook. Peter was so lost in being grown up that he forgot how to fly. He forgot his happy thought. 

Whatever life brings you, don’t forget to have fun and be playful. Think of your happy thought. Don’t loose it. Keep it safe. But not too safe. There are many sad thoughts in the world, so why not share your happy thought with those who seem to have lost theirs. Try not to judge these individuals too harshly, it happens so fast that they may not know that they have lost it. Or maybe they do, and like Tootles, are searching for their marbles. They need your help in finding them.

Don't forget how to fly.  

Well, it's OK

I love language. Of course I do (I’m a literature major). There is just nothing like the expression of words. I love how good use of language can excite you, sadden you, uplift you, and frighten you. A good writer can make you think, make you react, and most importantly, make you feel. 

Yet through all this wonderfulness, I have been seeing a fault lately. A gap, if you will, in some of our descriptive words. 

Think about how you categorize things in your life. Your pants are clean. Your pants are dirty. Your friend is happy. Your friend is sad. That movie is interesting. That movie is boring. Things are good. Things are bad. Notice a pattern? Good, bad, happy, sad, right, wrong, black or white. 

Why?

Why does everything have to be one way or another? We often say simple phrases like this without even thinking. We might not really mean that the movie was merely boring, but rather was fairly slow, lacked in plot, but had ok character development. This, however, lacks the convenience of the short, simple answer. How does one describe someone that is kind of happy and kind of sad? Can you have something kind of white and kind of black? (And no that isn’t gray. Gray is gray.) Or am I wrong to think that middle ground descriptive words are needed? Perhaps this type of thinking is making our society lazy. The truth is, sometimes we just don’t have the time or energy to give a wordy, lengthy reply when a simple one word answer will do. “What’s it like outside?” “It’s nice.” OR “Well the sun is shining and you can feel the warmth, and there are very few clouds, yet the breeze is blowing just enough you make you want a jacket, but not enough to say it’s windy, yet the sun isn’t quite warm enough to be outside without your jacket, even so, it is nice out.” Hmm. I’ll take the first. Yet I would like to be more aware of my “one word” answers. I’m afraid that by speaking in such terms too frequently, we are at risk of losing the meaning and tones that make language so lovely (not to mention brain cells), and may end up putting people in categories that are restrictive and not altogether truthful. What if the girl is not either fat or skinny, nor is she pretty or ugly? Where will we end up placing her?  Food for thought.    

Part time Ninja

I have a million things I need to do today. I have two papers to start, homework to study, a zombie project to work on, multiple other art projects I want to start and finish, I need to go to the gym, finish my laundry, run errands, and several people to call. I know I need to get all this done.

I spent 2 hours this morning wandering around my house. I don’t even know where to start. Some days I feel so busy that when I start one thing all I can think about is the other thing I need to do, so I go and look at that, and then I think about something else I need to do and the vicious cycle continues. 

I decided I needed to clear my head and went downtown to check out Helly Hanson, as I have a credit there from a coat I returned. No luck. So I wandered over to The Root where I bought a cute dress. ....Spending money on things I don’t need is definitely not on my to do list. 

I should feel guilty about wasting time and not getting things done. But I don’t. Sometimes I need a break. And today I realized that the world really doesn’t care if I get my to-do list done or not. Only I do. So if it gets done a little later than I would have liked it’s ok. If I have to work a little harder tomorrow that’s ok too. 

It’s often said that this life is stressful. And of course that is true. However, who creates the stress? We tend to blame the world, but what if it we shouldn’t? What if it is true that we are our own worst enemies? What if we are just too demanding on ourselves? Today I thought of the phrase “you're only human”. I used to detest this saying. I thought it was an excuse for laziness. But today I realize it’s true. I’m not a superhero. I’m not a glorified being. And I’m not a ninja (at least not full time). I am just human. There is only so much I can do. 

When you start to feel overloaded maybe you need to take a step back, take a deep breath, and go buy a dress (unless your a dude, but hey if that’s what your into I’m not here to judge). Life is good, and the weather is wonderful. 

I wonder what I will be doing in 20 years...

Isn’t it strange how we change over time. Getting to know one’s self is a long and evolutionary process. 

If you would have asked me 3 years ago what I would be doing today, I would have told you that I was getting ready to apply to medical school. I was set on being a doctor. Now I am a Literature major with a heavy interest in art, and intending to switch majors again. 

I remember once in 2nd grade my teacher did this project for our class, she was teaching us about the different kinds of nuts and what type of tree/shrub they came from. At the end of the project she brought all sorts of different kinds of nuts to class to have us try: walnuts, almonds, pistachios, cashews, peanuts, chestnuts, pecans, ...tons of nuts! Well I was a picky eater and hated nuts! She forced me to eat them which ensued a very disgruntled conversation to her from my mother. I didn’t like nuts until about 2 years ago when I finally really tried them. 

Now my favorite snack. 

I’ve always hated tomatoes too. You know how people say things like, “Oh you’ll grow out of that” or “Oh I used to hate them too, but you will like them one day”. Well had you asked me ever if I like tomatoes my response would have been “Yuck”

.....Until a month ago, perfect in a nice sandwich. 

I can’t imagine my response if you would have told me that right now I would be devoting most of my time to a 100 person photographic zombie project for fun. Anytime in the last 23 years I would have told you your crazy, I don’t even like zombies and I am terrible at taking pictures. 

I love my project. 

How we change and morph over time is so interesting. I believe that certain events happen in our lives that lead us to do things we never thought we would do. Each time this happens I learn so much about myself and who I want to be and what I want to do, it just amazes me! 

When people tell me they know exactly who they are, I can’t help but roll my eyes. Of course there are certain things you know for sure, but how could you possibly know EVERYTHING about yourself? Sometimes I don’t even think thats possible. To me, having to be the exact same all the time sounds boring and like a lot of work. You would have to block yourself off from most experiences, and be extremely strict with yourself. 

I encourage you friends, to try new things, meet new people. Don’t be afraid to go out of your protective bubble, it is scary sometimes but I promise the benefits are worth it. And hey if that leads you to zombies, cool. 

What do you think? And why?

In my literature class there is this guy I have been observing (no he is not cute and no not for dating prospects, sadly). The other day our class was having a discussion and I brought up my view and he disagreed and said that he and his 30 honor student classmates hold his same opinion and therefore mine must be wrong. We have had other conflicting views and so I have been studying him and trying to figure out why he thinks the way he does, merely out of curiosity. Then today he made the claim that learning native american history is more important than knowing the past presidential history. A classmate, trying to make a point asked who the 8th president was. No one could answer. (By the way it was Martin Van Buren, who was a key organizer of the democratic party).  

I’m not saying either one is right or wrong. Who knows. But I do think I understand him more now. I think this guy takes all of his opinions and values from what he reads and studies. Where I am the opposite and take most of what I hold near and dear from my life experience. 

I wonder, what influences your morals, values, and ideas of the world? Do you learn primarily from what you have studied? Or like me have you taken in your experience in this world and molded off of that? If indeed we follow the idea that we are taught, “everything in moderation” then we need a healthy balance of the two. I myself am going to try to take in more from reading, from history and from studying. (I’m also going to try to take classes with cuter boys.)  

If you have the chance hit me up and let me know what molds you, I would LOVE to hear what others think and why they think that....and if they think there is a need for a balance.... :) my e-mail is katelyn_kooner@hotmail.com 

It's Time

“Slow down, take a load off.” We are constantly told that we need to relax and enjoy life. Yet we live in a crazy, fast-paced world that never seems to sleep. Blink and you could miss something. 

I have this weird thing I do. Sometimes while driving I avoid left turns. I get really annoyed when I have to sit and wait for traffic to flow before I can make my turn. Having lived in Bozeman for 5+ years I know my routes really well. So when I know certain intersections are going to be busy (the ones with left turns) I take a different path instead. I do this almost subconsciously, it’s more a habit than something I think about. I didn’t really ever notice it until the other day. I went to It’s Greek To Me, got myself a delicious gyro (I would highly recommend going there), got into my car and looked in the rear view mirror. Main street was flowing with traffic and so instead of going that way and trying to make a left turn in the madness, I went the opposite way where I could take a right turn onto Durston. Both ways are an equal distance to my home. Yet I didn’t have the patience to sit and wait for a break in traffic. Why is this? When I have to sit and wait, I feel like I’m wasting time. When in all actuality I probably would have gotten home in the same 10 minutes. I started to take a closer look at my life. What other “short cuts” do I take in order to “save time”? The closer I looked, the more I realized that all I’m really doing is creating stress for myself. By making myself obsessed with time I give myself anxiety and weird traits, like avoiding left turns. 

I know this life is crazy and busy and fast. But hey, slow down. Take a load off. Don’t worry about the left turns. Time goes by no matter what. 

More Core

Alright I know I have written a lot about change, and how it is a good thing. I do honestly believe that change is a very important part of life and learning. Without it there would be no progression, and no creativity. However today my writing teacher said something that struck me.

“Maintaining identity is just as important as creating identity.” 

True I love to change (especially my wardrobe, and no I don’t feel bad about it). I love to be different and re-create myself. I love to try new things and meet new people. But perhaps he is right. Perhaps there are certain things we need to maintain. A friend once told me, “a person’s beliefs are their most important thing”. 

Maybe that is something that must be maintained. Think about it. If you are always changing what you believe in, then what the heck do you believe in? At our very core we all have notions and ideas that we hold strong to. They help us make decisions. They help us prioritize. Think about when you work out. What is the one part of your body you are supposed to work on everyday? Your core. A strong core will help you strengthen your entire body. Now that doesn’t mean that we can’t change the way we think or the way we perceive things. It’s always good to step outside the box (and yourself) and look at things in a different light. Just don’t forget to be true to yourself, and true to your core. 

(And hey don’t feel too bad about throwing all your clothes out and buying new. Like I said change is good.) 

Dead End

     Ever take a drive to somewhere new and find yourself driving down a dead end street? When this happens we turn around, retrace our steps, and shrug off the wrong turn. 

     

     In life I find myself on many dead end roads. I then have to turn around and retrace my steps. That part is easy. The hard part is shrugging off the wrong turn. 

     

     Things change all the time. We change all the time. We change everyday. We change our hair, clothes, diet, routine, desires, beliefs, thoughts. And sometimes in the same day we change back. Sometimes because we want to. Sometimes because we think we have to. But more frequently because we are afraid. I can’t think of any greater fear that the human race has, than that to the fear of change. 

     I myself change all the time. I just can’t make up my mind. I find myself feeling bad for changing so much. Almost apologetic for not staying the same all the time. Then tonight a friend (much like myself in the area of change) offered a great insight; Perhaps we aren’t changing, but rather adapting to situations. Isn’t that what change is? Adaptation? We change our clothes to adapt to the weather, the time of day, the places we go. We change our diet to adapt to the fruits available in the season. We adapt our routines to fit our different schedules. The weather itself adapts to the different atmospheric pressures. Adaptation is a universal law. 

     Dead end streets are a lot like change. Sometimes when your drive down one, you do nothing more than turn around. Other times you see something amazing that you wouldn’t have ever seen. And on few occasions there is that unmarked trail. It’s off the beaten path, so you size it up timidly. It’s human nature to fear going down unmarked roads, just as we fear change. The thing is, if we never drive down the dead ends, how will we ever find those hidden paths? 

Epic Fail

Ever have those days where all that you attempt to do just doesn’t pan out? 

     It’s icy outside so you walk extra carefully, and then go into a building, step on your own foot and fall. 

     Your wearing your favorite white shirt, so while eating you lean way over your plate so as to not spill. Later when you look in the mirror you see a huge dirt stain on your back where you must have rubbed up against your very dirty car.  

     You hand in your 6 page research paper, that you have spent countless hours combing through and perfecting, with pride and confidence. When you get it back it has a big C- on it. 

     The sun comes out, the ice melts. In an attempt to lift your own mood you decide to be playful and try to jump the puddles of water the ice has left. You step on your own foot again and fall into a puddle full of car oil. 

     Your white shirt with the dirt stain the back, now is soaking wet and smells like a car repair shop. 

     At this point the C- is looking pretty good.

It seems like when one thing goes wrong, everything goes wrong. On days like these I find myself laughing and saying, “Well at least it can’t get any worse”. Only to kick myself later because then I find out that C- paper is worth half my grade. It CAN get worse. 

Sometimes things just don’t pan out. Why? I heard a really great quote the other day...

“The key to success is failure. If your not failing, your not trying hard enough.” 

I might be an epic fail, but at least I know I’m trying. 

It's the little things

     A friend and I were talking last night and he mentioned my blog and asked where I get the material and how I decide what to write. Good Question. 

     

     What inspires us?

     

     What an interesting thought. As I pondered this I realized that more often then not I am inspired by the small and simple things in life. Good friends, good conversation, and happy moments. I definitely take these simple pleasures for granted. These brief beautiful spurts of time come and go in an instant. Sometimes we fail to recognize them. In my own ignorance to these happenings I cannot help but wonder what inspiration I may be missing out on. Furthermore, by not paying attention am I forgetting joyful moments as well? I believe that happiness is a gift. Every smile, every laugh, every moment of lightheartedness....these small and simple things are precious! 

My new goal: Pay close attention to these quiet gifts, and maybe then the creativity and joy will flow more freely. 

What S are you?

“Its all about you!” “Think about you!” “Focus on you!” “Just worry about you!” and my favorite “You are only responsible for you!”

The world shouts these ideals at us constantly. Whatever happened to “There is no I in team”? Or “Two hands are better than one”? Self absorption is being so fiercely shoved down our throats I fear selfishness is no longer an unfavorable trait, but is instead a way of life. “You are only responsible for you!” This idea is extremely appealing. I myself would like nothing more than to be only accountable for me myself and I. The problem is, humanity doesn’t support this theory. When you are born you automatically take on the job of being a child. With this job comes the responsibility of knowing that what you do will affect those who care for you. When you take on the job of friend, you also take on the responsibility that your actions will have an affect and impact on those relationships. Now this does not mean that you are required to be perfect or even to care. You have your free agency and it is your choice by all means. The thing is I know many selfish people and when I think of them I’m not drawn to them for comfort, wisdom or even friendship. I also know many selfless people. These are they that I not only love and adore and know that I can count on, but also strive to be like. Let’s be honest do you look at someone super selfish and self absorbed and think “Man I want to be like that!” ?

No one can whistle a symphony.  It takes a whole orchestra to play it.  ~H.E. Luccock

Lights, Camera.....

     A few weeks ago I was at Universal Studios in L.A. For a souvenir I bought myself a sweet t-shirt. On the front it has the Universal Studios logo and on the back it reads “Director”. The other day, while wearing my new t-shirt, a girl in my bowling class asked what I was the director of. I smiled and said, “my life”. 

In films, it is the directors job to guide and help the actors and the crew. The director is in charge of the creative, artistic, and dramatic aspects of the film. The director has virtually free rein in taking the film wherever he/she wants it to go.....as far as the producer will allow of course. The producer delivers the idea and script to the director, and oversees the vision of the film. The director can take the script and story and make it what he/she wants. However, in the end the only one with the power to change the story is the producer. 

     In life, we are the directors of our films. Our “crew” are those around us. We help guide and direct them the best we can. The vision of our film is influenced by our crew. We have control of the creative elements of our films and the freedom to change the flow of the film in any given moment. We take the script and interpret it how we like. However, in the end we cannot change the story. Try as we might to make the story something else, we know that power lies only with the producer. 

     I came across a definition of a producer that claimed it is also his/her job to preserve the integrity of the film. I’m a control freak. I hate that I do not have control and knowledge over everything in my life. But in the end I am grateful that someone is looking out for the integrity of my film. For now I am happy to just make this the best dang film I possibly can. 

Action!

Finding Emo

A friend and I were talking about blogs the other day and she came up with a great name for a blog: Finding Emo. How funny/awesome could that blog be! You could take either a sad approach and try to step inside the artistically tolerant and open mind of an Emo kid’s deep search for meaning in life, love and self, or you could be completely ridiculous and bash on the non-conforming, black nail painted, dark eye make-up, torn clothed, spiky belted, and slightly depressing group of people we refer to as “Emo”. 

Anyways, her title made me think. Finding Emo. Sometimes I feel like I’m looking for Emo. (That’s Emo folks, not Elmo.) I can get so caught up in looking for the bad in my life that I fail to see all the amazing goodness! It seems way to easy to  notice all your own flaws, and even easier to forget to recognize all your strengths. So I give you a mission. Go to the bathroom right now. Why are you still reading? Go! Oh, I guess I haven’t told you what to do. Ok. Go to the bathroom, look yourself in the mirror, give yourself a big smile, a high five (not too hard you don’t want to shatter the mirror), and a big wet one. (A kiss folks! A kiss. This is a mormon blog. Sicko.) No but really give yourself a nice pat on the back for being so rad! And maybe get an Elmo doll, he will help you not be sad. 

By the way, I am looking for my Elmo doll, has anyone seen him?

Rain Hunter

A quirky trait about me is that I really enjoy watching the weather channel. Weather fascinates me. I love watching people “hunt” weather.  It’s always changing yet always the same. It’s predictable yet unpredictable. How do you hunt something like that?! Nothing is set in stone. Except, perhaps, that you cannot trust the weather man, he will always be wrong. 

One of my favorite weather forecasts is when they announce that sometime during the night there will be a “stray thunderstorm”. A stray thunderstorm. Like what it got lost and it’s trying to find its way home? Or what it’s passing through and you’re telling us so we can be prepared with treats? I don’t get it. Yet I love it. It makes me think about life....Often stray little storms blow into our lives, cause a little chaos and excitement, and then blow right back out. The problem is, we are then left alone to clean up the mess. When those storms blow through, they do so quietly and stealthily. This way when people walk by you sorting through the rubble they can ask “What happened?” and try as you might all you can come up with is an intake of air, a falter of words, a shrug, a sigh, and then a confused “I don’t know”.  You can sit and ponder the reason and meaning of your storm for days and still come up with nothing. That’s the point though. What causes stray thunderstorms to happen? How do they get off course? And why did they pick this particular spot to stray to? Maybe sometimes trying to find answers is not the key. Maybe sometimes you just go with the flow and dance in the rain. 

It happens

Ever find yourself saying, “Dang. I let that situation get the best of me”? I thought that myself today. As I was sitting there kind of beating myself up I thought about that saying, “get the best of me”. Think about that. I’m not sure there is a better self explanatory phrase in english. When you allow a situation to make you react in a negative way it does in the most literal sense “get the best of you”, because then all you have to offer is the worst of you. It happens, so easily. So I’m sitting there wondering how to avoid this. I just kept coming up with one solution. How do I give only my best, at all times. It’s not a question, it’s the answer. The truth is I don’t know how to give only my best at all times. The best I can do, is notice my worst, acknowledge it, and let it go. 

Breathe. Let go. And remind yourself that this very moment is the only one you know you have for sure.
-- Oprah Winfrey 

His name was Robert Paulson

Yesterday I asked on Facebook the question, “Can you be two people at once?”. 

The general response was “ya sure, if your crazy”. 

Here’s what I think:

I am constantly at war with me. The first “me” being who I am at any given moment. Every decision I make, everything I say and do without thought, is the me that just comes naturally. The second “me” thinks deeply about the things I want to do and say, and plans carefully for the choices I want to make. I consider both “me”. 

Is it possible to be both at once, without being crazy? 

One of the responses to my question yesterday was that yes you could be two people at once, but only for a time, “eventually one will consume the other”. At first I was blown away by that thought and completely agreed. You can’t possibly be two people at once. 

I’ve been thinking though, if that is so, then the idea of hope is completely lost. It is impossible to be who you want ALL the time. Try as you might you WILL fail. And that’s ok. The you that you naturally are isn’t bad, it might not be exactly who you want to be but it’s still good. 

I therefore not only think that it IS ok to be two people at once, but would argue that it is crucial to our growth spiritually, mentally, and emotionally. When you start naming your other self then maybe you should worry :) 

Thanks Brent for the inspiration!!!

Blue Pens

So you just get out of class and your walking along and you notice people are looking at you. At first you feel awkward and wonder why people are staring at you. They are smiling at you too. You feel a little uncomfortable but you brush it off, sometimes people just stare. You keep walking along and you notice people are still looking at you and they are still smiling! You felt weird but now you start to feel good. Your thinking dang I must look good today! I knew these new jeans made me look good. Before you know it you have a new swing in your step and you are smiling right back at everyone. You feel so confident and good that you get really outgoing and strike up conversations with people. Everyone seems to respond well and you are just flying high! "Dang!", you think "I am really cool and people DO like me, I should be like this all the time". Before your ego gets too out of hand you decide you better take a quick bathroom break. As you are washing your hands you look up in the mirror only to see that the blue pen you were using in class earlier is now all over your face. Somehow it got on your hand and you had leaned your face on your hand. Your face is blue. All day people have been staring and smiling at your blue face. Dang. 
There is a good lesson to be learned here. And no it's not "don't use a blue pen" or "don't get caught up in ego" (although that is a good lesson). The lesson to learn is that regardless of why you were getting attention it allowed you to be more open and free. You were confident, happy, charming and witty all because you felt good. Maybe today let go and let yourself feel this way.  Oh and ya...maybe avoid blue pens :)

Take a closer look

I interviewed a girlfriend about how she buys produce. I asked her what deemed something worthy for her to buy. What inspections does it have to pass? 

She informed me that she first looks at the fruit. Does it have any obvious bruises? Then she feels the fruit, for any wear or tear, squeezes it a bit -if it’s too hard then it is not ripe. She said she then smells it, if it smells really strongly then you know its super ripe and if you buy it, you have to eat it right away. I think we can all agree that we go through almost the exact same motions. 

When you make decisions in your life what do you do to deem something worthy of you and your time? As I was thinking about her response I had to wonder, is there something wrong with our first approach? Perhaps we are missing out on an amazingly delicious piece of fruit merely because it looks a little bruised. Don’t judge a book by its cover.  Maybe the same principal can be applied to our lives. It could be that we take to much for face value, and forgo the next steps. If so, we could be missing something delicious. 

Time or Money?

It was well once said “Give me liberty or give me death!”. 

Well the world has changed. Now the world demands “Give me time or give me money!”.

Take the relationship between men and women. Girls need either time or money from their man. Girls don’t need both but they demand one or the other. 

My friend and I were sitting at LAX trying to decide whether to take a taxi or a shuttle. A taxi to downtown L.A. would be a half hour ride but a bit expensive. A shuttle on the other hand would be super cheap, but maybe and hour and half ride. We constantly are forced to choose between time and money. Money is said to be the root of all evil. So we choose time. Sadly time is money. Yet what’s the one thing money can’t buy. Time. As Benjamin Franklin said, “Lost time is never found again”. 

Do you see the other side?

"What we see depends mainly on what we look for." 
                  -John Lubbock

The advice I most often receive: "You need to change your perspective. "

Look at the two photographs. The same subject with slight changes. You are automatically inclined to like one more than the other. Look at the one that appeals to you more. Why does it have more appeal? What does the other lack?
Now, pretend that the one you like less is your favorite. Ask yourself the same questions, why does it have more appeal and what does the other lack?
You have just changed your perspective.
Imagine the possibilities if you could do this with every instance in your life. Just because I can now appreciate both sets of roses does not mean I have changed my mind on which is my favorite. Changing your perspective doesn't mean you have to change your mind. Two words come to my mind when I think of Perspective. Compassion and Empathy.

Stand Up

Emotions. Not our fault. The literal definition of emotion is : a natural instinctive state of mind. Part of our "human code" is to experience and then feel. Therefore our initial emotion that we experience in any given second is truly part of our human instincts. However, does that give us the justification of running away with our emotions? The second half of the definition is: an intuitive feeling as distinguished from reasoning or knowledge. Well...I guess we could argue that maybe, just maybe a little, we are allowed to let our emotions get the best of us. ....Unless we have had prior knowledge or reasoning. 
I often find myself in a pool of feelings and emotions, drowning in confusion. My friend gave a great analogy of what to do when drowning.  
So your in the shallow end of the pool where there is only 2 feet of water. You have your water wings on. You are nowhere near that rope that separates the shallow from the deep end.  Yet for some reason you feel like you are drowning and you are flailing and kicking and yelling and you know you are about to die. You can see people standing on the edge of the pool kind of laughing at you and pointing and you start yelling for help, because your drowning.
Finally someone says, "Hey, just stand up". 

Be who you want

You think because I’m Mormon that I am just conforming

But that is not the case I’ll lay this down with taste

I don’t live life by rules, I live by use of tools

I like to keep it real let me tell you how I feel

Just because i’m humble, doesn’t mean I’ll mumble

Yes I do have strong beliefs, why do you give me grief?

If you don’t stand up for nothing then you will fall for something 

The reason for sitting in those pews is to learns some good values

By having some devotion I can get through this commotion 

This faith it gives me love, and I know it comes from above 

These morals act as shields for this ever growing battlefield 

My standards may be high but they keep me safe at night

I like the life I lead, its everything I need 

Everyone deserves the chance to stand and take a stance

For what they believe for what they desire for what sets their souls on fire

Who am I to judge or to push or to budge?

We are all in this fight trying to do what we think is right

We were given free choice so that our opinions could be voiced 

This is what I choose anything else I refuse 

This life I lead is hard but yes I chose this card