Speaking words of wisdom

A few months back I decided I wanted to learn how to play an instrument. I’m extremely jealous of all my musically talented friends. So my grandma, being the awesome woman that she is, gave me her keyboard. As it turns out learning how to play when you don’t know how to play is really hard. Then today I found a nice surprise in my mailbox. My gram sent me a beginner lesson book! Finally, hopefully, I can start on my musical journey.

Anyways, she also sent me a very sweet note full of encouragement and love. One thing stood out to me. She said something along the lines of, “This life is hard and you chose a hard time to come down here”...followed by advice to stay strong and keep my chin up. It reminded me of something my writing teacher said last week, “The world is getting more complicated, it takes longer to learn how to live in it”. 

I couldn’t agree more. 

Confusion is a feeling that frequently torments me. This world offers so many options and choices, it’s hard for me to make decisions. I often find myself saying things like “what the heck am I doing” or “what the heck should I do”. These thoughts plague me because I feel like I should know, ya know? 

So today while I was pondering all this, I came to a conclusion. Whenever I’m trying to decide something, I think, "now how is this going to work in the future", or "do I want to do this forever". Maybe my thinking is all wrong. Maybe instead I should think more like, ok this is what I want to do now- if it doesn’t work out that’s ok. And maybe something else will come along that I want to do more. That doesn’t mean that I chose wrong, perhaps I just needed that experience to have this one. Maybe the key to living in this complicated world is to stop trying to figure it out. Instead, just live it the best you can, without fear of the future, without regrets of the past. All I can do is let go, and as the Beatles say, Let it be. 

BANGERANG

Rain. 

Small drops of rejuvenation 

That satisfy thirsty roots

Enhancing all the glorious colors

(Don’t forget your rain boots)

The chorus gives life to thirsty souls

That all this world pollutes. 

Many people find their solace in the wondrous rays of the sun. Many more find theirs in the deep powders of the mountaintops. 

Me, I find mine in the rain. I love the smell. I love how everything looks vibrant. I love the feel of the overcast sky, it reminds me of a blanket keeping me safe. I love wearing boots and stomping through puddles, reminding me of childish days. I see many others doing the same. It’s almost as if the rain invites silliness and the chance to forget reality and being “grown up”. I love the rain. 

So many things in life stress us out, and make us serious. It reminds me of the movie Hook. Peter was so lost in being grown up that he forgot how to fly. He forgot his happy thought. 

Whatever life brings you, don’t forget to have fun and be playful. Think of your happy thought. Don’t loose it. Keep it safe. But not too safe. There are many sad thoughts in the world, so why not share your happy thought with those who seem to have lost theirs. Try not to judge these individuals too harshly, it happens so fast that they may not know that they have lost it. Or maybe they do, and like Tootles, are searching for their marbles. They need your help in finding them.

Don't forget how to fly.  

Well, it's OK

I love language. Of course I do (I’m a literature major). There is just nothing like the expression of words. I love how good use of language can excite you, sadden you, uplift you, and frighten you. A good writer can make you think, make you react, and most importantly, make you feel. 

Yet through all this wonderfulness, I have been seeing a fault lately. A gap, if you will, in some of our descriptive words. 

Think about how you categorize things in your life. Your pants are clean. Your pants are dirty. Your friend is happy. Your friend is sad. That movie is interesting. That movie is boring. Things are good. Things are bad. Notice a pattern? Good, bad, happy, sad, right, wrong, black or white. 

Why?

Why does everything have to be one way or another? We often say simple phrases like this without even thinking. We might not really mean that the movie was merely boring, but rather was fairly slow, lacked in plot, but had ok character development. This, however, lacks the convenience of the short, simple answer. How does one describe someone that is kind of happy and kind of sad? Can you have something kind of white and kind of black? (And no that isn’t gray. Gray is gray.) Or am I wrong to think that middle ground descriptive words are needed? Perhaps this type of thinking is making our society lazy. The truth is, sometimes we just don’t have the time or energy to give a wordy, lengthy reply when a simple one word answer will do. “What’s it like outside?” “It’s nice.” OR “Well the sun is shining and you can feel the warmth, and there are very few clouds, yet the breeze is blowing just enough you make you want a jacket, but not enough to say it’s windy, yet the sun isn’t quite warm enough to be outside without your jacket, even so, it is nice out.” Hmm. I’ll take the first. Yet I would like to be more aware of my “one word” answers. I’m afraid that by speaking in such terms too frequently, we are at risk of losing the meaning and tones that make language so lovely (not to mention brain cells), and may end up putting people in categories that are restrictive and not altogether truthful. What if the girl is not either fat or skinny, nor is she pretty or ugly? Where will we end up placing her?  Food for thought.    

Part time Ninja

I have a million things I need to do today. I have two papers to start, homework to study, a zombie project to work on, multiple other art projects I want to start and finish, I need to go to the gym, finish my laundry, run errands, and several people to call. I know I need to get all this done.

I spent 2 hours this morning wandering around my house. I don’t even know where to start. Some days I feel so busy that when I start one thing all I can think about is the other thing I need to do, so I go and look at that, and then I think about something else I need to do and the vicious cycle continues. 

I decided I needed to clear my head and went downtown to check out Helly Hanson, as I have a credit there from a coat I returned. No luck. So I wandered over to The Root where I bought a cute dress. ....Spending money on things I don’t need is definitely not on my to do list. 

I should feel guilty about wasting time and not getting things done. But I don’t. Sometimes I need a break. And today I realized that the world really doesn’t care if I get my to-do list done or not. Only I do. So if it gets done a little later than I would have liked it’s ok. If I have to work a little harder tomorrow that’s ok too. 

It’s often said that this life is stressful. And of course that is true. However, who creates the stress? We tend to blame the world, but what if it we shouldn’t? What if it is true that we are our own worst enemies? What if we are just too demanding on ourselves? Today I thought of the phrase “you're only human”. I used to detest this saying. I thought it was an excuse for laziness. But today I realize it’s true. I’m not a superhero. I’m not a glorified being. And I’m not a ninja (at least not full time). I am just human. There is only so much I can do. 

When you start to feel overloaded maybe you need to take a step back, take a deep breath, and go buy a dress (unless your a dude, but hey if that’s what your into I’m not here to judge). Life is good, and the weather is wonderful. 

I wonder what I will be doing in 20 years...

Isn’t it strange how we change over time. Getting to know one’s self is a long and evolutionary process. 

If you would have asked me 3 years ago what I would be doing today, I would have told you that I was getting ready to apply to medical school. I was set on being a doctor. Now I am a Literature major with a heavy interest in art, and intending to switch majors again. 

I remember once in 2nd grade my teacher did this project for our class, she was teaching us about the different kinds of nuts and what type of tree/shrub they came from. At the end of the project she brought all sorts of different kinds of nuts to class to have us try: walnuts, almonds, pistachios, cashews, peanuts, chestnuts, pecans, ...tons of nuts! Well I was a picky eater and hated nuts! She forced me to eat them which ensued a very disgruntled conversation to her from my mother. I didn’t like nuts until about 2 years ago when I finally really tried them. 

Now my favorite snack. 

I’ve always hated tomatoes too. You know how people say things like, “Oh you’ll grow out of that” or “Oh I used to hate them too, but you will like them one day”. Well had you asked me ever if I like tomatoes my response would have been “Yuck”

.....Until a month ago, perfect in a nice sandwich. 

I can’t imagine my response if you would have told me that right now I would be devoting most of my time to a 100 person photographic zombie project for fun. Anytime in the last 23 years I would have told you your crazy, I don’t even like zombies and I am terrible at taking pictures. 

I love my project. 

How we change and morph over time is so interesting. I believe that certain events happen in our lives that lead us to do things we never thought we would do. Each time this happens I learn so much about myself and who I want to be and what I want to do, it just amazes me! 

When people tell me they know exactly who they are, I can’t help but roll my eyes. Of course there are certain things you know for sure, but how could you possibly know EVERYTHING about yourself? Sometimes I don’t even think thats possible. To me, having to be the exact same all the time sounds boring and like a lot of work. You would have to block yourself off from most experiences, and be extremely strict with yourself. 

I encourage you friends, to try new things, meet new people. Don’t be afraid to go out of your protective bubble, it is scary sometimes but I promise the benefits are worth it. And hey if that leads you to zombies, cool. 

What do you think? And why?

In my literature class there is this guy I have been observing (no he is not cute and no not for dating prospects, sadly). The other day our class was having a discussion and I brought up my view and he disagreed and said that he and his 30 honor student classmates hold his same opinion and therefore mine must be wrong. We have had other conflicting views and so I have been studying him and trying to figure out why he thinks the way he does, merely out of curiosity. Then today he made the claim that learning native american history is more important than knowing the past presidential history. A classmate, trying to make a point asked who the 8th president was. No one could answer. (By the way it was Martin Van Buren, who was a key organizer of the democratic party).  

I’m not saying either one is right or wrong. Who knows. But I do think I understand him more now. I think this guy takes all of his opinions and values from what he reads and studies. Where I am the opposite and take most of what I hold near and dear from my life experience. 

I wonder, what influences your morals, values, and ideas of the world? Do you learn primarily from what you have studied? Or like me have you taken in your experience in this world and molded off of that? If indeed we follow the idea that we are taught, “everything in moderation” then we need a healthy balance of the two. I myself am going to try to take in more from reading, from history and from studying. (I’m also going to try to take classes with cuter boys.)  

If you have the chance hit me up and let me know what molds you, I would LOVE to hear what others think and why they think that....and if they think there is a need for a balance.... :) my e-mail is katelyn_kooner@hotmail.com 

It's Time

“Slow down, take a load off.” We are constantly told that we need to relax and enjoy life. Yet we live in a crazy, fast-paced world that never seems to sleep. Blink and you could miss something. 

I have this weird thing I do. Sometimes while driving I avoid left turns. I get really annoyed when I have to sit and wait for traffic to flow before I can make my turn. Having lived in Bozeman for 5+ years I know my routes really well. So when I know certain intersections are going to be busy (the ones with left turns) I take a different path instead. I do this almost subconsciously, it’s more a habit than something I think about. I didn’t really ever notice it until the other day. I went to It’s Greek To Me, got myself a delicious gyro (I would highly recommend going there), got into my car and looked in the rear view mirror. Main street was flowing with traffic and so instead of going that way and trying to make a left turn in the madness, I went the opposite way where I could take a right turn onto Durston. Both ways are an equal distance to my home. Yet I didn’t have the patience to sit and wait for a break in traffic. Why is this? When I have to sit and wait, I feel like I’m wasting time. When in all actuality I probably would have gotten home in the same 10 minutes. I started to take a closer look at my life. What other “short cuts” do I take in order to “save time”? The closer I looked, the more I realized that all I’m really doing is creating stress for myself. By making myself obsessed with time I give myself anxiety and weird traits, like avoiding left turns. 

I know this life is crazy and busy and fast. But hey, slow down. Take a load off. Don’t worry about the left turns. Time goes by no matter what.