I wonder what I will be doing in 20 years...

Isn’t it strange how we change over time. Getting to know one’s self is a long and evolutionary process. 

If you would have asked me 3 years ago what I would be doing today, I would have told you that I was getting ready to apply to medical school. I was set on being a doctor. Now I am a Literature major with a heavy interest in art, and intending to switch majors again. 

I remember once in 2nd grade my teacher did this project for our class, she was teaching us about the different kinds of nuts and what type of tree/shrub they came from. At the end of the project she brought all sorts of different kinds of nuts to class to have us try: walnuts, almonds, pistachios, cashews, peanuts, chestnuts, pecans, ...tons of nuts! Well I was a picky eater and hated nuts! She forced me to eat them which ensued a very disgruntled conversation to her from my mother. I didn’t like nuts until about 2 years ago when I finally really tried them. 

Now my favorite snack. 

I’ve always hated tomatoes too. You know how people say things like, “Oh you’ll grow out of that” or “Oh I used to hate them too, but you will like them one day”. Well had you asked me ever if I like tomatoes my response would have been “Yuck”

.....Until a month ago, perfect in a nice sandwich. 

I can’t imagine my response if you would have told me that right now I would be devoting most of my time to a 100 person photographic zombie project for fun. Anytime in the last 23 years I would have told you your crazy, I don’t even like zombies and I am terrible at taking pictures. 

I love my project. 

How we change and morph over time is so interesting. I believe that certain events happen in our lives that lead us to do things we never thought we would do. Each time this happens I learn so much about myself and who I want to be and what I want to do, it just amazes me! 

When people tell me they know exactly who they are, I can’t help but roll my eyes. Of course there are certain things you know for sure, but how could you possibly know EVERYTHING about yourself? Sometimes I don’t even think thats possible. To me, having to be the exact same all the time sounds boring and like a lot of work. You would have to block yourself off from most experiences, and be extremely strict with yourself. 

I encourage you friends, to try new things, meet new people. Don’t be afraid to go out of your protective bubble, it is scary sometimes but I promise the benefits are worth it. And hey if that leads you to zombies, cool. 

What do you think? And why?

In my literature class there is this guy I have been observing (no he is not cute and no not for dating prospects, sadly). The other day our class was having a discussion and I brought up my view and he disagreed and said that he and his 30 honor student classmates hold his same opinion and therefore mine must be wrong. We have had other conflicting views and so I have been studying him and trying to figure out why he thinks the way he does, merely out of curiosity. Then today he made the claim that learning native american history is more important than knowing the past presidential history. A classmate, trying to make a point asked who the 8th president was. No one could answer. (By the way it was Martin Van Buren, who was a key organizer of the democratic party).  

I’m not saying either one is right or wrong. Who knows. But I do think I understand him more now. I think this guy takes all of his opinions and values from what he reads and studies. Where I am the opposite and take most of what I hold near and dear from my life experience. 

I wonder, what influences your morals, values, and ideas of the world? Do you learn primarily from what you have studied? Or like me have you taken in your experience in this world and molded off of that? If indeed we follow the idea that we are taught, “everything in moderation” then we need a healthy balance of the two. I myself am going to try to take in more from reading, from history and from studying. (I’m also going to try to take classes with cuter boys.)  

If you have the chance hit me up and let me know what molds you, I would LOVE to hear what others think and why they think that....and if they think there is a need for a balance.... :) my e-mail is katelyn_kooner@hotmail.com 

It's Time

“Slow down, take a load off.” We are constantly told that we need to relax and enjoy life. Yet we live in a crazy, fast-paced world that never seems to sleep. Blink and you could miss something. 

I have this weird thing I do. Sometimes while driving I avoid left turns. I get really annoyed when I have to sit and wait for traffic to flow before I can make my turn. Having lived in Bozeman for 5+ years I know my routes really well. So when I know certain intersections are going to be busy (the ones with left turns) I take a different path instead. I do this almost subconsciously, it’s more a habit than something I think about. I didn’t really ever notice it until the other day. I went to It’s Greek To Me, got myself a delicious gyro (I would highly recommend going there), got into my car and looked in the rear view mirror. Main street was flowing with traffic and so instead of going that way and trying to make a left turn in the madness, I went the opposite way where I could take a right turn onto Durston. Both ways are an equal distance to my home. Yet I didn’t have the patience to sit and wait for a break in traffic. Why is this? When I have to sit and wait, I feel like I’m wasting time. When in all actuality I probably would have gotten home in the same 10 minutes. I started to take a closer look at my life. What other “short cuts” do I take in order to “save time”? The closer I looked, the more I realized that all I’m really doing is creating stress for myself. By making myself obsessed with time I give myself anxiety and weird traits, like avoiding left turns. 

I know this life is crazy and busy and fast. But hey, slow down. Take a load off. Don’t worry about the left turns. Time goes by no matter what. 

More Core

Alright I know I have written a lot about change, and how it is a good thing. I do honestly believe that change is a very important part of life and learning. Without it there would be no progression, and no creativity. However today my writing teacher said something that struck me.

“Maintaining identity is just as important as creating identity.” 

True I love to change (especially my wardrobe, and no I don’t feel bad about it). I love to be different and re-create myself. I love to try new things and meet new people. But perhaps he is right. Perhaps there are certain things we need to maintain. A friend once told me, “a person’s beliefs are their most important thing”. 

Maybe that is something that must be maintained. Think about it. If you are always changing what you believe in, then what the heck do you believe in? At our very core we all have notions and ideas that we hold strong to. They help us make decisions. They help us prioritize. Think about when you work out. What is the one part of your body you are supposed to work on everyday? Your core. A strong core will help you strengthen your entire body. Now that doesn’t mean that we can’t change the way we think or the way we perceive things. It’s always good to step outside the box (and yourself) and look at things in a different light. Just don’t forget to be true to yourself, and true to your core. 

(And hey don’t feel too bad about throwing all your clothes out and buying new. Like I said change is good.) 

Dead End

     Ever take a drive to somewhere new and find yourself driving down a dead end street? When this happens we turn around, retrace our steps, and shrug off the wrong turn. 

     

     In life I find myself on many dead end roads. I then have to turn around and retrace my steps. That part is easy. The hard part is shrugging off the wrong turn. 

     

     Things change all the time. We change all the time. We change everyday. We change our hair, clothes, diet, routine, desires, beliefs, thoughts. And sometimes in the same day we change back. Sometimes because we want to. Sometimes because we think we have to. But more frequently because we are afraid. I can’t think of any greater fear that the human race has, than that to the fear of change. 

     I myself change all the time. I just can’t make up my mind. I find myself feeling bad for changing so much. Almost apologetic for not staying the same all the time. Then tonight a friend (much like myself in the area of change) offered a great insight; Perhaps we aren’t changing, but rather adapting to situations. Isn’t that what change is? Adaptation? We change our clothes to adapt to the weather, the time of day, the places we go. We change our diet to adapt to the fruits available in the season. We adapt our routines to fit our different schedules. The weather itself adapts to the different atmospheric pressures. Adaptation is a universal law. 

     Dead end streets are a lot like change. Sometimes when your drive down one, you do nothing more than turn around. Other times you see something amazing that you wouldn’t have ever seen. And on few occasions there is that unmarked trail. It’s off the beaten path, so you size it up timidly. It’s human nature to fear going down unmarked roads, just as we fear change. The thing is, if we never drive down the dead ends, how will we ever find those hidden paths? 

Epic Fail

Ever have those days where all that you attempt to do just doesn’t pan out? 

     It’s icy outside so you walk extra carefully, and then go into a building, step on your own foot and fall. 

     Your wearing your favorite white shirt, so while eating you lean way over your plate so as to not spill. Later when you look in the mirror you see a huge dirt stain on your back where you must have rubbed up against your very dirty car.  

     You hand in your 6 page research paper, that you have spent countless hours combing through and perfecting, with pride and confidence. When you get it back it has a big C- on it. 

     The sun comes out, the ice melts. In an attempt to lift your own mood you decide to be playful and try to jump the puddles of water the ice has left. You step on your own foot again and fall into a puddle full of car oil. 

     Your white shirt with the dirt stain the back, now is soaking wet and smells like a car repair shop. 

     At this point the C- is looking pretty good.

It seems like when one thing goes wrong, everything goes wrong. On days like these I find myself laughing and saying, “Well at least it can’t get any worse”. Only to kick myself later because then I find out that C- paper is worth half my grade. It CAN get worse. 

Sometimes things just don’t pan out. Why? I heard a really great quote the other day...

“The key to success is failure. If your not failing, your not trying hard enough.” 

I might be an epic fail, but at least I know I’m trying. 

It's the little things

     A friend and I were talking last night and he mentioned my blog and asked where I get the material and how I decide what to write. Good Question. 

     

     What inspires us?

     

     What an interesting thought. As I pondered this I realized that more often then not I am inspired by the small and simple things in life. Good friends, good conversation, and happy moments. I definitely take these simple pleasures for granted. These brief beautiful spurts of time come and go in an instant. Sometimes we fail to recognize them. In my own ignorance to these happenings I cannot help but wonder what inspiration I may be missing out on. Furthermore, by not paying attention am I forgetting joyful moments as well? I believe that happiness is a gift. Every smile, every laugh, every moment of lightheartedness....these small and simple things are precious! 

My new goal: Pay close attention to these quiet gifts, and maybe then the creativity and joy will flow more freely. 

What S are you?

“Its all about you!” “Think about you!” “Focus on you!” “Just worry about you!” and my favorite “You are only responsible for you!”

The world shouts these ideals at us constantly. Whatever happened to “There is no I in team”? Or “Two hands are better than one”? Self absorption is being so fiercely shoved down our throats I fear selfishness is no longer an unfavorable trait, but is instead a way of life. “You are only responsible for you!” This idea is extremely appealing. I myself would like nothing more than to be only accountable for me myself and I. The problem is, humanity doesn’t support this theory. When you are born you automatically take on the job of being a child. With this job comes the responsibility of knowing that what you do will affect those who care for you. When you take on the job of friend, you also take on the responsibility that your actions will have an affect and impact on those relationships. Now this does not mean that you are required to be perfect or even to care. You have your free agency and it is your choice by all means. The thing is I know many selfish people and when I think of them I’m not drawn to them for comfort, wisdom or even friendship. I also know many selfless people. These are they that I not only love and adore and know that I can count on, but also strive to be like. Let’s be honest do you look at someone super selfish and self absorbed and think “Man I want to be like that!” ?

No one can whistle a symphony.  It takes a whole orchestra to play it.  ~H.E. Luccock

Lights, Camera.....

     A few weeks ago I was at Universal Studios in L.A. For a souvenir I bought myself a sweet t-shirt. On the front it has the Universal Studios logo and on the back it reads “Director”. The other day, while wearing my new t-shirt, a girl in my bowling class asked what I was the director of. I smiled and said, “my life”. 

In films, it is the directors job to guide and help the actors and the crew. The director is in charge of the creative, artistic, and dramatic aspects of the film. The director has virtually free rein in taking the film wherever he/she wants it to go.....as far as the producer will allow of course. The producer delivers the idea and script to the director, and oversees the vision of the film. The director can take the script and story and make it what he/she wants. However, in the end the only one with the power to change the story is the producer. 

     In life, we are the directors of our films. Our “crew” are those around us. We help guide and direct them the best we can. The vision of our film is influenced by our crew. We have control of the creative elements of our films and the freedom to change the flow of the film in any given moment. We take the script and interpret it how we like. However, in the end we cannot change the story. Try as we might to make the story something else, we know that power lies only with the producer. 

     I came across a definition of a producer that claimed it is also his/her job to preserve the integrity of the film. I’m a control freak. I hate that I do not have control and knowledge over everything in my life. But in the end I am grateful that someone is looking out for the integrity of my film. For now I am happy to just make this the best dang film I possibly can. 

Action!

Finding Emo

A friend and I were talking about blogs the other day and she came up with a great name for a blog: Finding Emo. How funny/awesome could that blog be! You could take either a sad approach and try to step inside the artistically tolerant and open mind of an Emo kid’s deep search for meaning in life, love and self, or you could be completely ridiculous and bash on the non-conforming, black nail painted, dark eye make-up, torn clothed, spiky belted, and slightly depressing group of people we refer to as “Emo”. 

Anyways, her title made me think. Finding Emo. Sometimes I feel like I’m looking for Emo. (That’s Emo folks, not Elmo.) I can get so caught up in looking for the bad in my life that I fail to see all the amazing goodness! It seems way to easy to  notice all your own flaws, and even easier to forget to recognize all your strengths. So I give you a mission. Go to the bathroom right now. Why are you still reading? Go! Oh, I guess I haven’t told you what to do. Ok. Go to the bathroom, look yourself in the mirror, give yourself a big smile, a high five (not too hard you don’t want to shatter the mirror), and a big wet one. (A kiss folks! A kiss. This is a mormon blog. Sicko.) No but really give yourself a nice pat on the back for being so rad! And maybe get an Elmo doll, he will help you not be sad. 

By the way, I am looking for my Elmo doll, has anyone seen him?